Ever had a week, or month, where nothing seemed to go right? How you handled persistent setbacks and negativity most likely was directly linked to your self-esteem. Arguably no topic is more relevant to understanding how well you respond to the ups and downs that life throws at you than this one. Even when nothing out of the ordinary is happening, your self-esteem dictates how you function in the world.
What is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is how much you respect and worth yourself. As with most things, self-esteem is a spectrum and where you fit on it is determined by all the things you think about yourself. It is different than self-talk and more closely related to self-worth and the value you have for yourself as a human being.
Self-esteem is more fundamental than many secondary issues. It is difficult to talk about self-esteem without touching on a myriad of other issues because this single self-evaluation affects just about every nook and cranny of your life. Self-esteem is similar to confidence and the intrinsic value you place on yourself.
This internal confidence, or lack thereof, comes from a culmination of your life experiences. How you were raised most likely had a major impact on your sense of self-worth. If you were valued, loved, and respected by adults growing up, you would have a better chance of developing positive self-esteem. If you were belittled and abused during childhood, however, you might have trouble seeing your intrinsic value as a human being.
Additionally, how you talk to yourself and treat yourself over time will impact your self-esteem. Maybe you had good self-esteem as a teenager but developed a learned behavior of putting yourself down if you didn’t get the top grade in class. Over time your negative self-talk can develop into low self-esteem. The good news is that you can unlearn bad behaviors and develop skills of improving your self-image.
Your self-esteem affects how you look at and interact with the world around you. Low self-esteem can lead to depression, while too much self-esteem can be viewed as narcissistic. However, both these problems can be caused by other issues, so having depression, for example, does not necessarily mean that you have low self-esteem.
Is my Self-Esteem Good or Bad?
Many people are unsure of where they fall with their self-esteem. This is normal as not everyone is not as in-tune with their inner self as others may be. There are some easy evaluations you can do to determine where you are on the spectrum of self-esteem.
If your self-esteem is on the low side, you might determine your sense of self-worth based on your current successes or failures. For instance, if you were passed over for a promotion or got a bad grade in school – your sense of self-worth is depreciated due to these perceived negative circumstances.
Ideally, your self-esteem should be consistent even when things don’t go your way. Take the bad grade for example – you are still a valuable and important human being whether you get the best grade or the worst. Healthy self-esteem means that you see your strengths and weaknesses and still have compassion and respect for yourself.
Body image and self-esteem are closely tied. The Office of Women’s Health asserts that women with a negative body image and degrading self-talk are at risk of developing low self-esteem. Conversely, a low self-esteem may lead to negative body image.
Say, for instance, you move to a new area and before you were unbothered by your weight. However, people in your new area are thinner and workout studios are in every shopping center. If you have low self-esteem, you might take this change hard and start obsessing about your workout regime and food intake.
Ways to Improve Self-Esteem
The good news is that self-esteem is not like your DNA; it can be changed and improved with work and guidance. Some studies suggest that self-esteem grows until age 60, when it either stays constant or begins to decline due to issues in old age. Regardless of your age or any individual circumstances, you can improve your self-esteem.
Quiet the voice in your head that tells you that you are not good enough, strong enough, pretty enough, or whatever negative line you hear. Changing how you think about yourself and what you tell yourself is harder than you may think. Sometimes you have to challenge core beliefs that led to these thoughts in the first place.
Whenever a familiar negative line passes through your consciousness, recognize it, and pause. Instead of agreeing with it, try to simply tell yourself, “no that’s not true – that’s negative self-talk.” It can be hard to catch thoughts that have become routine and automatic to you. However, with practice and over time, you will have that negative chorus arise less and less.
Have compassion for yourself. If you are telling yourself things you not only would never say to another person but you wouldn’t even think it, and then you need to work on understanding your own humanity. Self-compassion is a necessary component of self-esteem and a key tool to rebuilding a healthy inner self.
Even the most accomplished people have had failures and periods of hardship. Compassion allows you to forgive the fact that you are only human and cannot achieve the impossible. You are valuable and lovable just the way you are.
If you find it difficult to challenge your inner voice or need help figuring out how to outsmart yourself, consider finding a professional therapist to help you on this journey. Talking to friends, family, or a therapist can greatly improve your overall outlook on life.
For those who have been battling low self-esteem for years, seeking professional help may be the best way to get back your positive self-worth faster. A therapist can help you understand what specific areas you need to focus on, including core beliefs that are negatively impacting your world view. This professional can also provide you with coping strategies and self-esteem solutions that overturn even the longest held negativity.